Dougal
Apprentice Messenger
Posts: 597
|
Post by Dougal on May 11, 2009 16:56:53 GMT -5
Everything went more or less to Dougal's plan. Katrina got right up in his face and yelled back, but that had been half expected. The ship started bucking just as he forced Katrina's arm back and she was thrown against him. Perfect. As the ship began to lurch towards Katrina's side, Dougal tried to grab her dagger hand, but she twisted it out of the way. No matter, he would just sweep her feet out form under her and knock the wind out of her. He did so and felt Katrina twisting as she feel. He regretted not being able to turn this into a proper grappling match, where he could have prevented this twisting. Still, it was going to hurt like a Blam! when she landed on her side. Hopefully she wouldn't land awkwardly on her arm.
Katrina struggled, but Dougal managed to keep her pressed against the deck. Then a mischievous smile cross her lips and Dougal wondered what she was about to do. He remembered his fight with Lea and started to move his body so that Katrina couldn't knee him in the balls, but what she really did surprised him. She kissed him. It wasn't just a standard shock-your-opponent kiss, but a genuine tongue-in-mouth kiss. Dougal froze for a second as he remembered back to the happy days he had spent with Rhianwen. Then he tried to pull away, no wanting this to go any further, to bring up the other memories. No such luck. Katrina wrapped an arm around his neck and tried to pull him back down. Now Dougal was remembered the Rhianwen who was an enemy agent, the one who had flirted with him and kissed him during the torture sessions to try and break his spirit. No longer did he see Katrina beneath him, but Rhianwen in stead.
With a yell of rage, Dougal tore himself from Katrina's grip and dropped his sword. He struck her twice, once in the face and then once in the solar plexus, aimed upwards so that it would stop her heart for a second. Someone grabbed him and pulled him backwards, yelling at him. Dougal twisted around, grabbing the person's arm as he did so. Within a few seconds he had his 'assailant' lying on the deck, arm pulled right up his back, ripe for the breaking. Something it Dougal over the head and he turned to see Lieutenant Greer standing behind him, preparing to bring the brass pommel of his sword back down on Dougal's head. He was yelling something. What was it?
"...op. ...fool...didn't mean...want...ill her?"
Kill her? Kill who? Dougal looked down at Henry, who was struggling for all he was worth to get back up. No, that wasn't who Greer was talking about. Then he saw Katrina and the look of hurt and fear on her face. What had he done? Standing up without any life, Dougal just stood as Henry got up and rushed over to Katrina and helped her up, anger written all over his face. He shouldn't have hit her, she didn't know anything about his past. But why did she have to kiss him like that? They'd been getting along all right before then, so why spoil their working relationship? No, no point in turning this around so that he wasn't at fault. It was all his fault, as all the relationship problems he had encountered so far had been. Sound gradually returned to Dougal's mind and he looked at Katrina with an expression of grief mixed with fear.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. It's just that, well, the last time..."
Dougal started to break up in tears.
"The last time a woman k...kissed me s-s-s-she wa-was t-torturing me. M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-my o...own Rhianwen. Rhianwen!"
He couldn't standing it any longer, the looks everyone was giving him and the memories that had been brought up. He wished that he had gone on a separate ship to Katrina, or that he was still on dry land, where he could go off on his own, away from everyone. But he couldn't. He was stuck on a ship full of Skandian and Araluen soldiers. So much for keeping his reputation intact. Picking up his falcata, Dougal turned away from Katrina and Henry and walked off to the side of the ship, lost in memories of times past. If Katrina said anything, he didn't hear it, didn't want to hear it. He just wnated some time to himself.
|
|
|
Post by Brandwyn on May 11, 2009 18:33:24 GMT -5
Henry stood up and looked out at the sea when the deck suddenly began to pitch under his feet. He saw the seasick soldier fall down and then stand up and get thrown into the railing and then watched in morbid fascination as the man slowly tumbled over the railing.
"Man overboard!" Henry yelled and jumped to the railing, ignoring his own reeling head and the bucking motion of the boat, feeling a little seasick himself now. He grabbed at the man's arm and tried to pull him back onto the boat.
Suddenly there were hands reaching down beside him as two Skandians helped him pull Adrian back into the ship. They pulled him over towards the center of the deck and one of them handed the soldier a bucket to throw up into, a big grin on his face. They said something in Skandian that Henry figured was probably not too flattering and most likely about land lovers or Araluens and laughed as they went back to their tasks.
Henry knelt down next to the soldier, careful to stay out of his 'line of fire' and looked him over for injuries. "Are you ok?" He asked and pulled out his water skin, pouring some into his pewter goblet. "Here. Maybe this will help." The water sloshed violently as the ship lurched again. "My name is Henry. I am Sir Katrina's man-at-arms" He tried to take the man's mind off his stomach, but didn't think that would help much. He stood up and looked over the railing at the choppy sea. They seemed to be nearing the end of the violent waters as much as he could make it out anyway. Soon they should be in the open ocean and hopefully the ship would settle into a more gentle motion.
As he turned back to the fight between Katrina and Dougal he didn't see them at first. Then he looked down, just in time to see Katrina stop struggling and lift her head and kiss the Captain. Henry froze, a look of pain played across his face that he couldn't hide. He watched as Dougal froze and then seemed to go beserk. Henry started moving as Dougal reared back and struck Katrina across the face and Henry was still a pace away when he hit Kat in the stomach.
Henry roared and slammed into Dougal and tried to pull him off Katrina, yelling at him to stop. Suddenly Dougal had him flipped over and pinned to the deck, pressing on his arm about to break it. Henry, enraged, struggled to get out of the hand hold but wasn't able to until some lieutenant struck Dougal on the head with the pommel of his sword and Dougal finally let Henry go.
Henry scrambled to Katrina's side. Her face was turning blue and she was struggling to get air in her lungs. She clutched at Henry, but was looking at Dougal with shock as she gasped for air. Finally she took a shuddering breath and sucked air back into her lungs. Henry helped her to her feet and glared at Dougal who apologized lamely and then stalked off. Henry still had his arms wrapped protectively around Katrina.
|
|
|
Post by ivory on May 11, 2009 18:58:00 GMT -5
Adrian mumbled his thanks to the men who helped haul him back onboard, at least he thought he did. His mind was a little to fuzzy to know for certain. As he'd been dragged away from the edge, he'd almost wished they'd been to late and left him to drown. Then at least, his stomach wouldn't be revolting at having to stay in its rightful place in his anatomy.
A bucket was thrust at him and for a moment he just stared at it, wondering what it was for before his stomach demanded that he reach for it. Strange, he didn't think he had anything left in him. Obviously, he was just proven wrong.
Words floated through the air above him, enveloping him like a fog - a thick fog that he couldn't make out to save his life, though at the present, he wouldn't have bothered to try anyways. Maybe he could just curl up and disappear into it...
Fatigue won out as he closed his eyes and drifted off into a much appreciated deep sleep.
|
|
|
Post by Brandwyn on May 12, 2009 3:55:24 GMT -5
Katrina hugged Henry for a moment until she stopped shaking and was able to breathe normally. "I am sorry." She whispered in his ear. "I have to go talk to him." She felt Henry grip her tighter. "I will be ok." She pulled back and disengaged from his arms, picked up her sword and dagger and sheathed them, and made to follow Dougal.
His lieutenant tried to stop her, "Let him go, Lady. I may not be able to save you again."
Katrina smiled sadly at him, wincing a bit at the bruise forming on her cheek. "I have to try - to apologize. I will be ok." She kept on her track after Dougal. She motioned for the men in the area of the ship near him to leave and glared at a couple of Skandians who looked like they weren't going to budge. She just gave them her "don't mess with me!" stare and they edged off, leaving that end of the ship to Dougal and herself. She doubted, after that little display of their fighting skills, that there were many on this ship who wanted to seriously tangle with her or Dougal, and certainly not with both of them together. It also paid to be the ranking officer on the ship apart from the Jarl, she thought ruefully. She approached Dougal cautiously.
"Dougal." She said his name softly as she walked up to him, ready to jump back and draw her sword if she needed to. "Please, Dougal, don't walk away from me." Tears were in her eyes for the pain she had caused him. "I am so sorry." She gently placed a hand on his sword arm before he could pull away. "I am not sorry I kissed you. I have been wanting to do that since we first met." She explained, "but I am sorry that I caused you pain." She moved around to his side so she could lean her back against the railing and see his face, still keeping her hand on his arm. "Please forgive me. I can't bear to hurt you!" a tear slid down her cheek across the bruise he had made. "And I can't bear to loose your friendship or your respect. I never should have sprung that kiss on you like that. It was all my fault."
Katrina thought back to her own pain and had some idea of what Dougal was going through. Certain things triggered the memories and once they came it was hard to bottle them back up again. Sometimes it was better not to. She remembered how she had felt better once she had told Sir Kenyon what had happened. "It seems you were betrayed and hurt worse than I was." She said softly, looking past his shoulder to an indistinct spot on the horizon, remembering. "God I loved him!" her voice broke and she fought back the tears. She was supposed to be comforting him, not having her own emotional breakdown. "I have never been able to love anyone else since." She said when she could talk again. "But it did help ease the pain a bit when I told Ken about it. Maybe…" she hesitated, not sure if he would open up to her or not, but really wanting to help him she decided to plunge on anyway, "maybe it will help you if you could talk about it."
Katrina slowly reached up with her right hand and gently wiped away the drying tears on his cheek, ready to move back if he protested her nearness. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Dougal. I really care for you." She longed to hold him in her arms and comfort him, but she didn't think he would be agreeable to that. "Maybe, if I tell you my story, you will tell me yours?" She asked softly, trying to capture his eyes with her own. "Kenyon is the only other person I have ever told what really happened. He is the only other man I have truly trusted - until now." She breathed, surprised that she was opening herself up to be hurt again. "At least the only one I have trusted with my heart since then." She tried to get him to understand, but she was not explaining herself very well.
"Of course it was more of a father daughter relationship with Kenyon and I. But since Rob, there has been no one else that I have opened up to and showed how messed up and vulnerable I really am. No one I have wanted to open up to, not even Henry. Not until now. Not until you." She looked into his eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking, hoping she was getting through to him. "You hold my heart now." She finished softly and lowered her right hand, sliding it down his arm and then gripped the railing right next to his hand. "Please don't turn away! Please, talk to me?" She pleaded as another tear fell for the pain she had inflicted on him. She hoped she wasn't making it worse.
|
|
Dougal
Apprentice Messenger
Posts: 597
|
Post by Dougal on May 12, 2009 16:44:11 GMT -5
Dougal lent on the ship's railing and wondered what was happening to him. He'd never lost control of himself like that before, not even when Lea was playing around and teasing him or when someone new to the prostitute business made a move on him. Not even on the anniversary of Rhianwen's death did he get so teary and choked up. Maybe he was getting too old for the business. No longer was he the best member of the SWC and now this. Actually striking a knight in full view of dozens of Araluen soldiers. And all because she had kissed him. Damn it! A single kiss, although prolonged, had caused him to break down. He was never going to hear the end of it. Perhaps the King would even decide to relieve him of command? What then? What skills did Dougal have that would allow him to retire? He'd never planned on retiring and had no idea what he would do. He needed soldiering in order to be who he was.
Someone came up beside him and Dougal glanced at them using his peripheral vision. It was Katrina! And she looked, what? Upset? What was she going to say? Dougal didn't like where this was going, he wanted to be yelled at, to be told that he was a vile, horrible person. And what did Katrina do? She pleaded with him not to run away from her. Pleaded! Gently, she touched him on his sword arm and he flinched slighting and looked at her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, over the bruise he had given her. And she was asking for forgiveness. How could she do that? After what he had done, how could she assume that she was at fault? Damn it to all the gods in heaven and hell, how could Katrina think that what had happened was her fault? She had done nothing wrong!
He wanted to turn away, to get away from Katrina. He was having an adverse effect on her, he just knew it. She didn't regret kissing him, despite the pain it had brought her, which meant that it wasn't just a shallow attraction. Forget that, how could there even be an attraction? Dougal knew what he looked like. He was rough, battle scarred and plain. Moreover, he was a landless bastard, although Katrina probably didn't know that. How could anyone profess an attraction, let alone a love, for him? And why couldn't she stop being so gentle? It was tearing at Dougal's heartstrings and made him want to breakdown and run away. But he didn't want to do that, he didn;t want to hurt Katrina any more.
A hand reached up and gently wiped away the few tears that remained on Dougal's cheeks. He flinched, not wanting the physical contact, but then he realised how comforting it was to have a female hand smoothing away him tears and...No. He didn't want to go down that path. He never wanted to be in a position where he could be hurt by or hurt someone who he cared for. He was a soldier, one who undertook the most dangerous and illegal jobs for the betterment of Araluen. How much longer would he live for? Would he even live through this war? He wanted no widow left behind as his legacy.
"Please don't turn away! Please, talk to me?"
Another tear rolled down Katrina's cheeks and Dougal couldn't stand it any longer. If he ignored her any longer she would only get more upset, which would cause him more pain. Turning to face Katrina, Dougal tried unsuccessfully to keep the emotion out of his voice.
"Katrina, you were not at fault. I was. Always have been always will. I don't know how you could possibly be attracted to me, but if it will reassure you, I'm willing to talk about what happened to me."
|
|
|
Post by Brandwyn on May 12, 2009 19:55:34 GMT -5
Katrina shook her head and wiped the tears off her cheek with the hand that had been resting on his arm. "No, I deserved that. I should never have kissed you without any warning like that and not a kiss like that." She looked down at her feet. "I am not sure what came over me. I just felt-" she looked back up at him and broke off what she was going to say. "You were so close and I thought maybe - well, I am not sure that I really did think. It just felt right. So I kissed you."
She took a deep breath to settle her nerves and winced at the pain in her solar plexus. His blow there had really hurt and for a moment there she had thought she was going to die right after he had hit her. That blow had been a bit much, but she could see that he hadn't been in his right mind when he had delivered it. "Maybe you over-reacted a bit, but you had every right to strike me. I would have done the same to any man who tried to force himself on me." She didn't think he had changed his thinking at all, but she wanted him to understand her point of view. She knew full well he was going to go on beating himself up over this and she wasn't going to be able to do anything to stop him. "It seems you have a good reason for flipping out and I would like to know it, but only if you really want me to know and only after you hear my story."
Katrina took his hand in hers and pulled him over to a couple of barrels lashed together with some other cargo a few steps from the railing and perched on one of them, urging him to sit down on the other one. She was still a bit shaky and her head was reeling a bit from his blow so she didn't want to tell her story standing up, or craning her neck to look up at him. She didn't want to relinquish his hand, but sensed he was uncomfortable with her holding it, so she let it go reluctantly.
"I don't know why you think no one could possibly be attracted to you, but that is beside the point, because I am. I think perhaps it is because I sensed in you the same pain that is in me." She paused. Did he understand what she was trying to say? "Maybe it will make more sense after I tell you why I am such a mess." She smiled sheepishly at him. He looked like he wanted to run away, and yet there was something else in his eyes too. Was it longing? Katrina wasn't sure.
Katrina took a few moments to detach her emotions from the facts and compose her thoughts, and then she took another deep breath and began to tell Dougal about her deepest hurt and reveal to him a secret that only one other living person knew.
"It was five years ago and I was seventeen with only one more year in battleschool. His name, I thought at the time, was Robin Fitzgerald and he was supposedly the same age as I. We were in battleschool together in Norgate, but he had just transferred in from another fief (also a lie as you will soon see)." Katrina shifted slightly, stalling before she plunged on.
"He courted me relentlessly and I finally gave in to his charms. I fell deeply in love with him. I thought he was in love with me too. After a couple of months, and his near constant pestering, I finally gave in to my desires and I-" she hesitated, not sure how to delicately put it, "I gave myself to him." Her face turned a bit red as she said it. She looked up sideways at Dougal to see what he thought. She didn't see any look of revulsion on his face, so she continued. "For another two months we stole away whenever we could, finding all the hidden places in the castle where we could - uh…" her face got redder. She had never talked like this to anyone before. "Well, you know," she finished lamely. "It was the happiest time of my life." She thought back to those days and couldn't help but remember Robin and how they had been together. She took a shuddering breath and fought back the tears again.
She was silent for a couple of minutes, debating on whether to tell him everything, or just what she had shared with Kenyon. No, she had to tell him everything. He deserved that and she didn't want to have any secrets from him. "He - he got me with child." She said, barely audible and blushed bright red and turned her head away, noticing Henry and the lieutenant hovering just out of hearing (she hoped), watching them intently. She turned back to Dougal and forced herself to look in his eyes. "I never told Kenyon about the baby. That was always between Rob and I." She watched his face, wondering what he was thinking of her now.
"I wanted that baby and I wanted to get married right away, but he wouldn't hear of it. He said I was too close to finishing battleschool and fulfilling my lifelong dream of being a knight. He convinced me to keep it secret." Kat's eyes focused on a spot on one of the barrels as she remembered that conversation between her and Robin. "For three more months I went along with him, but then the baby was starting to show, people began to notice that my clothes were getting tight and my armor didn't fit right and I was constantly worried that a blow to my stomach would kill or injure the baby."
"I was heading off to find Kenyon and tell him when Robin stopped me. That had been a strange day at the castle. Something major was going on, but I wasn't sure what it was. Robin was acting strange and trying to get me to leave the castle with him for a ride. The weather was not good, but I never got suspicious of him like I should have. He completely took me in." Another tear escaped and rolled down her cheek, unnoticed as she remembered that day, the first day of hell.
"He was pleading with me when Kenyon and some other soldiers found us and tried to take Robin into custody. I found out much later that he had been spying on the castle. He was Scotti, not Araluen and his name was really Robin MacConnell." She stared at the deck. "Yeah, Shamus is probably his cousin." She answered Dougal's unasked question in a dead tone of voice. "All of this happened at about the same time Ranger Will was smuggling Lord Orman out of Macindaw." She looked back at Dougal, sure he had heard about that incident.
"It seems he had blown his cover somehow and he wanted to get out before they caught him." She crossed her arms over her stomach, as if trying to protect the baby that was no longer there. "He grabbed me and held a knife to my throat and managed to steal a horse and dragged me up on it with him, threatening to kill me if they followed." Katrina then revealed the part that shamed her the most. "I should have fought him. I could have gotten away. I should have helped Kenyon take him into custody, but I didn't believe them. I couldn't hurt him. I couldn't help Kenyon. I was numb with shock and disbelief and made it all too easy for Rob to spirit me away with him."
"We rode for Macindaw and along the way he stole another horse for me. He disarmed me there and left all my weapons, making it all too clear that I was his prisoner, not his accomplice. Still, I followed him because I thought he really did love me. I was deluding myself, but didn't care. He was cold though. There were no more words of love or tender caresses. He acted as if he loathed the very sight of me." Katrina pulled her feet up onto the barrel and curled herself into a tight ball with her arms wrapped around her legs. "All too soon he started to verbally beat me down, making me feel like I was inferior, an insect or something. He called me whore and slut and much worse. He told me I made his skin crawl every time he touched me and that he was so glad he was finally going to be rid of me."
"I wondered why he kept me along if he felt that way, but I was soon to find out." Katrina wiped another tear away on her shoulder armor, bumping the now vivid bruise on her cheek. The pain brought her back to the present. She looked back at Dougal, mostly to make sure he was still there and still listening. "We skirted behind Macindaw Castle during the night and up into the hills. Kenyon and two other knights and a small group of soldiers were in pursuit, but I didn't know it yet. When we got into the mountains, we stopped for a moment and looked back down and saw them following us." She remembered the look of triumph on Rob's face when he had seen all three of Norgate's knights following them into the trap.
"We got up to the pass and Rob made some special bird call that was answered by his cohorts that were hiding in the rocks and then he dragged me off the horse by my hair and threw me to the ground. He tied me to a boulder in the middle of the pass and waited until Kenyon got within sight, but was too far to stop him, and he-" Katrina stopped. She couldn't go on. She dropped her head to her knees and sobbed. "He - he t-told me that n-no b-baby of his would ever b-b-be born to an Araluen whore and then he t-t-took his knife and cut open my stomach." Katrina sobbed and clutch at her stomach, remembering the agony both physical and emotional. "He ripped the baby out of me and threw it to the ground." She said dully. "I thought I was going to die. Then, when I realized I wasn't dying, I wished I was."
Katrina didn't look at Dougal. She couldn't bear to see a look of pity on his face that she knew had to be there. "He knocked me in the head and I was out of it for a while. When I regained consciousness Scotti warriors had Kenyon and the other knights and soldiers pinned down in the pass. Rob was fighting in the thick of it and as far as I knew he had left me there to bleed to death. But he made one mistake. When he disarmed me he missed my little wrist knife." She looked back at Dougal then, a vindictive smile on her tear streaked face. "I managed to get it into my hand and cut myself free. I stared at our dead baby as I wrapped a piece of my skirt around my stomach to slow the bleeding and- well - I flipped out like you just did. I could only think of one thing - kill the monster that had killed my baby."
"I grabbed Kenyon's battle standard that had fallen to the ground and stripped the flag off the pole and then climbed up onto Rob's battlehorse. I charged into the fray, my goal to kill Robin and anyone who got in my way. I don't remember that fight. They say I killed a couple dozen men, but I don't see how I could have. All I remember is standing over Rob's body and watching the light fade from his eyes and then I collapsed on top of him." She was back there now, seeing his face again after she had killed him, the only man she had ever loved.
"Later after they took me to the healer I discovered that I had a half dozen serious wounds in addition to the stomach wound the Rob made. The healer recognized the signs that I had been pregnant as she stitched me back up. She said it will be a miracle if I ever can have children. Not that it really matters." Katrina looked Dougal in the eye. "Now there are three people in this world that know anything about that baby; me, the healer, and now you." Katrina wiped her face off and smiled ruefully, "and then they knighted me for that - for killing my baby's murderer." The smile didn't reach her haunted eyes. She wondered what Dougal thought of her now. Perhaps it had been a big mistake to tell him. She looked up at him now trying to determine what he was thinking and feeling.
|
|
Dougal
Apprentice Messenger
Posts: 597
|
Post by Dougal on May 13, 2009 2:26:00 GMT -5
Dougal couldn’t help but stare at Katrina. The story she had just told him was one of unimaginable cruelty and betrayal and he felt her pain. It also made him feel ashamed. What Katrina had endured, in his opinion, was far worse than what he had been through. He’d seen what losing a child could do to a woman and knew that the complete and utter betrayal by a lover could unhinge even the most resolute of people. And yet Dougal would never have realised what had happened to her unless she had told him. There were no obvious signs - not that he had been looking - nothing. Katrina was one brave, resilient and strong woman. In fact, she was probably the strongest person Dougal had ever met.
Somewhere in the back of Dougal's brain his paranoia awoke and started to comment about the fact that the story was so close to his own. If any enemy agent wanted to get close to him, that would be exactly the sort of story they'd spin. Katrina had admitted that she had been in love with a member of the Scotti and the Scotti wanted to be under her command. No! Dougal's external expression changed to one of self loathing for a second before he managed to calm himself down. He knew when someone was lying, even when he was this emotional. Besides, Katrina had told him enough to actually check her story out, something that no good spy would do if they wanted their cover story to stick. Sir Kenyon could possibly be working for the Scotti...but no, that was too ridiculous. He really needed to reign his paranoia in.
With a depressed sigh, Dougal looked into Katrina's haunted eyes with eyes just as haunted. He had never spoken about what had happened to anyone, although everyone in the SWC knew the rough outline of what had happened. For a second, Dougal hesitated, not sure if he could stand talking everything out. Then he saw the massive bruise on Katrina's cheek and decided to speak. He owed that much to her.
"I never really had a family. Sure, I had three sisters, two brothers, a mother and a father, but they all hated me. I was born about nine months after a Skandian warrior raped my mother during a raid. MY father disowned me from birth and I owe my existence to a healer who stuck to her principles of not taking a life. So, for the first fifteen years of my life I was an outcast within my own family. Outside of the family, well, I was an outcast too. I was the bastard son of a tanner to the adults of the village and this carried over to their children. They always bullied me, although I eventually got smarter than them and used various guerrilla tactics that I still use today."
Dougal had gradually become more matter of fact. This part of his history did not have as much affect on him because it was so distant and, truth be told, he'd managed to cope with everything rather well.
"The only joy I had was archery. Because my father couldn't stand the sight of me, he forced me to train as an archer, knowing that I would have to practice for hours every day in order to do any good. I absolutely loved it, especially when I was old enough to go hunting. I'd catch rabbits, stray farm animals and even the odd deer in the nearby forest. It didn't take long for me to gain a reputation, but my heritage pretty much ensured that I wasn't going to get any special tutoring.
"When I was fourteen, my life was turned upside down. The Skandians performed a massive raid and not everyone got out of the town in time. The Skandians even started to come after those who had escaped. For the first time in my life, I killed. As the Skandians rushed the escapees, I fired, again and again until they retreated. Frustrated, they attacked those who hadn't escaped the town, including my family. I later found out that the two of my sisters who were there had survived, but I had no idea at the time. I found my father, dying and tried to help him, despite what a miserable bastard he'd been. He knew that he was dying, so he told me to go and find my uncle and told me the best place to look.
"My uncle was a disgraced Ranger, stripped of his oak leaf because he used excessive violence and because he had accidentally, or so he claimed, killed an innocent man. I lived with him for four years, learning how to sneak up on and kill a deer, or a man as the case might be. We were hunted by game keepers, Royal Scouts, a couple of bandits who hated my uncle and the occasional Ranger. They should have killed him years ago, but the old codger was the best escape artist I've ever met. They tried to trap him once, while I was off running an errand. He escaped their net and left them a very sarcastic note.
"Anyway, as I said, I spent four years with him. At the end of that time, I joined the army and became an archer. I loved it. For once I fitted in. There were people with shattered family lives and personalities just like me. We truly were a band of brothers, as the old saying goes. Over the next few years, I distinguished myself, holding the line after Wargals killed our sergeant and then, later, 'killing' key officials during exercises. Eventually I was noticed and asked to form a group of specialists, who could act on intelligence from Rangers and complete missions that were of an illegal or highly dangerous nature.
"A year into my new job I managed to locate my sister and arrived a couple of days before she was due to give birth. We had very few relatives and Fiona had gone a bit feral. She was supporting herself and her drinking habit by selling her body. She died during childbirth and, at her funeral I met one of her friends, a girl of about 17 or 18 called Rhianwen."
Dougal smiled fondly, knowing that the pain was going to come very soon. Still, for now, he just wanted to remember the good times.
"Rhianwen was also a prostitute and was a bit down on her lucky. I..." Dougal hesitated, having noticed Katrina's embarrassed looks when she had mentioned her and Robin having sex, and the repercussions from that. Then he decided that it would probably make Katrina feel better about herself if he told things like they were. "I employed her for a night. A couple of weeks later, I found her. She was filthy, drunk and hadn't slept in a couple of days. Apparently she'd been put out of business by a new brothel and told in no uncertain terms that she would die if she pushed her business in their area. I felt sorry for her and helped her to get back on her feet."
Now tears started to trickle down Dougal's face as he remembered the good times they had had together and that Rhianwen had betrayed him.
"I started to fall in love with her and soon became her regular. That is," Dougal explained to Katrina just in case she had never been exposed tot his bit of jargon, "I became her regular customer, which is pretty much the same as us being lovers, except I still paid. By the end of the year, I so so in love with her that I would do anything for her. Anything except talk about my job."
Hanging his head in shame for a second, Dougal looked up at Katrina with a pleading look in his eyes. Hopefully she would understand why he hadn't picked up on Rhianwen's behaviour, but he could never be sure. Maybe being that oblivious was something that even Katrina thought was a major crime.
"About six months after that, Rhianwen had decided that she wasn't going to get any information out of me by bedding me and called in some muscle. She drugged my one dinner time and I woke up, tied to a chair, in an unknown building. She was there with three other men, men who I knew worked for Morgarath. At first I thought she had been tricked or forced into helping me, but then she started kissing one of them passionately."
Dougal stopped for a few moments to compose himself. He was going to break down completely, if he kept on going, but yet he had to.
"She and Morgarath's men tortured me over the next two or three days. They did classics, like breaking bones, pulling fingernails and poking me with red hot pokers. Those I could withstand. What Rhianwen did was far more devious. She would flirt with me k-k-kiss m-me, whisper s-s-s-s-sweet nothings i-in my ear and th-then do the s-s-s-same w-with m-m-y t-t-t-torturers. S-s-she even h--had sex with th-the-them."
With his head in his hands, Dougal started to cry quietly. Just thinking about what Rhianwen had done was enough to make him relive the torture. For a few minutes he continued to cry, oblivious to everything that was going on around him. Eventually, he pulled himself together and continued his story, not daring to meet Katrina's eyes.
"Rhianwen was the first person who had ever told me that they loved me. I couldn't stand the fact that she didn't, after all, love me. I caved in and told them all about my job and everything else they wanted to know. Rhianwen called me a pathetic excuse for a soldier and then they left me alone. I started to feel ashamed of what I had done and my broken spirit mended itself with the glue of anger. I managed to get free of my bonds and, with a broken body I attacked them as they were coding a message. I killed three of Morgarath's best swordsmen with a chair. And then I turned my anger on Rhianwen. I made sure that she died slowly, although I didn't stay to watch her die. My anger had gone by that point."
Sighing heavily, Dougal looked back up at Katrina and smiled slightly.
"I know your feelings for me, but I'm still in love with Rhianwen and I can't forgive myself for what I did to her. I'm afraid that I might do it to anyone else I'm involved with if they ever do something that I can misinterpret as betrayal so, for both our sakes, I think that it might be better to act as though nothing happened."
|
|
|
Post by Brandwyn on May 13, 2009 9:47:41 GMT -5
Katrina couldn't imagine the family life that Dougal had grown up with. Her father doted on her and treated her as if she were a princess - well more like a prince really, since he had always treated her as if she were a boy. But he loved her and so did her mother and Katrina couldn't imagine having parents that hated her.
She looked at Dougal with wonder on her face at how he had survived his upbringing and then the incident with Rhianwen. She nodded in understanding when he talked about being taken in by her. She knew how that was. She had been the same way with Rob and even disbelieved her own mentor when they accused him.
But as he talked about the torture her heart went out to him. She longed to reach out and comfort him, but she was afraid of his reaction if she did so. She rested her chin on her arms that were resting on her bent knees and clapsed her legs with her hands to keep from reaching over and pulling him into her embrace. If there had not been the others on the deck covertly watching the two of them, she might have done it, but as it was, she decided to just let him talk. At least he was getting it into the open.
She also couldn't imagine the torture he had went through. Three days of torture. If there were something she was afraid of now it was of being tortured like that, especially of fingers or toes or other things being cut off or maimed. She didn't think she could go through that and she looked at Dougal with admiration for what he had suffered through and survived.
But his last sentance sent her heart plummeting to new depths.
..."so, for both our sakes, I think that it might be better to act as though nothing happened."
She couldn't hide the disappointment so she ducked her face into her lap, her forehead resting on her arms until she could get a handle on her emotions.
She thought about what he had said and realized he probably was right. For any number of reasons it was a bad idea for them to get involved. Tell that to her heart. However Katrina had learned five years ago that her head was stronger than her heart. She pulled her emotions together and tucked them away, just as she had done back then.
She raised her head and nodded at Dougal, looking him in the eye, "I can respect that, just as long as we can still be friends." She told him and then a ghost of a smile played around her lips. "And as long as you are still willing to spar with me!" She hastened to explain, "today I had the good fortune to fight two different men that can challenge me, even beat me. I haven't had that for years. There isn't a lot of turnover in the fighters in Norgate so I have been getting stagnent in my skills growth. I really want to learn swordplay from you."
She dropped her legs back down and perched on the edge of the barrel and the smile widened a bit, this time reaching her eyes. "I promise, no more kissing. I will just kick you in the balls next time!" She grinned, trying to make light and get back on good terms with Dougal.
She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and noticed that Henry had moved away from the railing where he had been leaning and watching them intently. The smile faded from Katrina's face as she looked at Henry, replaced by a thoughtful look and then a worried one. Henry was barely holding his anger in check, even now, after all this time had passed since Dougal had struck her.
Katrina sighed and looked back to Dougal, "one more thing...At some point Henry is going to come up to you and chew you out for hitting me," she wanted to make sure Dougal knew she was serious now. "Do me a favor, will you? Please don't kill him when he does that. I don't think I could forgive you for that." She said seriously and stood up as she looked him in the eye.
She reached out her hand to Dougal, wanting to fold herself into his arms, but knowing that was a bad idea she settled for a handshake, making light of the seriousness of their conversation. "Still friends?" she asked holding out her hand to him, smiling.
|
|
Dougal
Apprentice Messenger
Posts: 597
|
Post by Dougal on May 14, 2009 1:14:58 GMT -5
Katrina ducked her head, presumably to hide her disappointment at Dougal's words, and Dougal wanted to take what he had said back. Okay, so there were some very good reasons why he had suggested that they act as though nothing had happened, but he was in an emotional state and he didn't want to cause Katrina any more pain. He almost reached out and gave her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder, but he wasn't sure of whether or not that would give Katrina the wrong idea or, as had just occurred to him, if he had other reasons why he might want to comfort Katrina. No. There was no point in thinking about that.
Just as Dougal was beginning to feel awkward and uncomfortable, Katrina looked him in the eyes and he could see that she had managed to put her feelings aside for the moment. What a relief! For a second there he had thought that Katrina was actually going to tell him that she just couldn't ignore her feelings for him. That would have been particularly awkward, especially when you realised that Henry, Katrina's man-at-arms, had feelings for Katrina that weren't returned. Damn, now Henry was going to be at his throat for the rest of the voyage. What a damnable situation to be in.
"I can respect that, just as long as we can still be friends. And as long as you are still willing to spar with me!"
"Sounds like a good idea."
Dougal didn't need to hear Katrina's explanation of why she wanted to spar with him. He wasn't entirely correct in his thinking, having decided that sparring was probably the closest Katrina was going to get to him, but he was willing to make a compromise, regardless. When he actually knew the reason why Katrina wanted to spar, a smile started to appear on his lips. Depending on how fast Katrina learnt, sparring with him would improve her understanding of the underhanded, brutal tactics that the most experienced soldiers used. She'd probably learnt a bit from the Scotti but had probably never had the opportunity to study their style of fighting in any great depth. Besides, sparring Katrina would be good for Dougal. He might even learn some of the finer points of swordplay during their matches.
When Katrina shot a glance off to one side, Dougal followed and saw a fuming Henry. Things could get back if this anger last for a long time and, considering Henry's attraction to Katrina, it probably would. Dougal would have to head
"Do me a favor, will you? Please don't kill him when he does that. I don't think I could forgive you for that."
Dougal smiled.
"Don't worry, I'll keep myself in check."
Katrina looked at Dougal and he knew that she wanted to touch him. He wasn't sure if she wanted to kiss him again or just give him a hug, but he could see the longing in her eyes and knew that she wasn't going to go ahead with her wishful thinking. It was probably for the best. Rhianwen had already been brought up, but Dougal wasn't sure how head react to more physical contact from Katrina.
"Still friends?"
Nodding, Dougal forced a grin onto his face and shook Katrina's hand, adjusting his normal handshake so that he didn't squash her hands. Then, shooting another look at Henry, Dougal removed his belt, slid his sheathed kukri and falcata off it and then put the belt back on. Next, her removed his padded jack and vambracers, careful not to reveal any of his scars. Handing them to Katrina, he smiled at her, genuinely this time and said,
"Could you please look after these? I'm going to have a talk with Henry. I need to sort at all issues as soon as possible for the moral of the troops."
Dougal hesitated for a second, wondering if he really should go and talk to Henry when they were both so emotional, but then he decided to carry on. He walked over to where Henry was standing and noticed how he stiffened up the moment he saw Dougal coming, arms outstretched to show that he had no weapons. Before Henry could yell at him, Dougal spoke.
"We both know that there is no excuse for what I did, so just skip the yelling and get to the part where you start to hit me to avenge Katrina."
|
|
|
Post by Brandwyn on May 14, 2009 5:26:08 GMT -5
Henry watched Katrina talking with Dougal and barely kept his anger in check. He wanted to go over and run Dougal through with his sword, but he knew that would only hurt Katrina more. He leaned against the railing and clenched his fists.
When Katrina started crying and clutched at her stomach Henry nearly went mad. He moved to rush over there, but Greer laid a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. Henry paused and then leaned back against the rail again when Katrina composed herself. He watched impassively while Dougal then went into some long oration, having his own breakdown and then stood up when he noticed they were about to wrap things up.
He gritted his teeth as Katrina actually smiled at Dougal and shook his hand. How could she forgive him after what he did? He had almost killed her. Then Henry saw Dougal hand Katrina his weapons and armor and stiffened as the Captain approached him.
"We both know that there is no excuse for what I did, so just skip the yelling and get to the part where you start to hit me to avenge Katrina."
Henry glared at Dougal. "You rat bastard!" He growled. "You almost killed her! Now you want me to pound on you to make you feel better?" Henry started to turn away from him. "I am not going to hit you." Suddenly he whipped around and landed a very forceful punch right in Dougal's face, "The hell I'm not!"
|
|
Dougal
Apprentice Messenger
Posts: 597
|
Post by Dougal on May 14, 2009 5:50:04 GMT -5
"You rat bastard! You almost killed her! Now you want me to pound on you to make you feel better?"
Henry started to turn away and Dougal sighed. He partly wanted Henry to bash him up in order to feel somewhat better, but he also wanted to get the feud over and done with. Normally he'd try to incite Henry to violence, but he just couldn't being himself to do so.
"I am not going to hit you. The hell I'm not!"
The punch forced Dougal to stagger backwards and tore the skin under his right eye. Greer took a step forward, but Dougal motioned him away. Keeping his hands down by his side, fingers pointing at the ground, Dougal kept a quiet, accepting look on his face. He knew that he would be able to maintain this stance until Henry had beaten him to a pulp because it was not an act. Dougal wanted to accept all the punishment he had coming for him. Still, perhaps his acceptance of the blows would cause Henry to stop attacking him and maybe would even cause him to cool down and listen to a brief explanation of why he had attacked Katrina.
|
|
|
Post by Brandwyn on May 14, 2009 6:10:17 GMT -5
Katrina followed Dougal over near Henry and Greer and tried not to interfere. She had grown up around soldiers and knew that men had to work things like this out with their fists rather than talking them out. Henry wouldn't calm down until he hit something, but it hurt Katrina to see them at each other's throats.
She set Dougal's weapons and armor aside and crossed her arms, wincing as Hernry's first punch landed in Dougal's face. Then she realized Dougal wasn't going to fight him back and she fought not to hide her own face in shame. He wouldn't be going through any of this if she hadn't kissed him. One moment of folly and now all three of them were hurting. Once again proof that her love only caused people pain.
She stood there with a composed face, trying to present an image of nothing more than concern to the men, knowing if she called out to them to stop or turned away that she would never be able to command respect from any of them. The only outward sign that every blow Henry landed on Dougal felt like he was hitting her was the faint trickle of blood on her palm where she dug her fingernails in to keep from crying out to him to stop.
___
Henry pounded on Dougal for a couple of minutes until he realized that Dougal was not hitting back. As he landed a blow to Dougal's stomach he happened to see Katrina out of the corner of his eye. Any other person on the boat probably wouldn't have noticed, but Henry saw the trickle of blood from her hand and then he looked in her eyes and saw the pain there before she could hide it.
He stepped back, hanging his head in shame. He had just caused her more pain. He looked back at Dougal, "Enough. I don't know why you attacked her like that, but if you ever do it again I will kill you. I don't know how, but I will find a way." He said bitterly, looking him square in the eye. He might not be as good a fighter, but that didn't matter to him. He wasn't about to let Dougal get away with hurting Katrina like that without doing something about it. His job was to protect her and he had just failed miserably at that. Somehow he had to make it up to her, but this didn't seem to be the way. He was only making it worse.
Henry waited to see if Dougal was going to retaliate.
|
|
Dougal
Apprentice Messenger
Posts: 597
|
Post by Dougal on May 15, 2009 3:42:23 GMT -5
Blow after blow hit Dougal and he just absorbed it all. Cuts appeared all over his face and one of his eyes got stuck shut. Ribs were bruised and one cracked. Even when Henry hit Dougal under the solar plexus, Dougal stayed standing, weathering the pain. Teeth were loosened and he almost stumbled to the ground as Henry hit him in the stomach once more. I was amazing how much damage an angry man could do in a couple of minutes. Suddenly, Henry stopped and looked away. Dougal followed his gaze and saw Katrina just standing and watching the fight. He fought through the haze of pain and saw what Henry had seen. Katrina had dug her nails into her hand so hard that she was bleeding. What had he done? In trying to make himself better, he had hurt Katrina even more. Could he do nothing right today?
There was, perhaps a way to make Katrina feel better. If he just went and gave her a hug and apologised, she would probably feel better. If he went back on his previous decision,it would probably make her feel worse, knowing that he was just doing it to make her feel better, but the hug might be just enough to reassure her that things were not her fault. But...if he did that, what would happen? Henry would become more resentful, and Katrina might get the wrong message. More to the point, he might start to develop feelings for Katrina. That wouldn't be good for either of them, not now, not ever. No, for now he would keep his distance and wait until he was in a more rational state of mind.
Henry turned back and gave his ultimatum to Dougal, who could see the truth written all over Henry's face. There was no doubt about it. If he hurt Katrina, Henry would try to kill him and, seeing as how easily Dougal had just broken down and how much respect and sympathy he had for Katrina, Henry probably wouldn't have to do much. Looking Henry in the eyes, Dougal said as much.
"If I hurt Katrina again, you won't have much of a fight from me. She doesn't deserve to be hurt by a bastard like me."
Turning away, Dougal staggered over to where he had left his stuff and shook his head at Katrina sadly.
"It's not your fault, and I'm sorry that my need for someone to hurt me has caused you more pain. Besides Henry, needed to get it out of his system and I recover my wounds pretty quickly."
He winced and grinned wryly.
"Or at least I used to. Spar you tomorrow, yeah?"
|
|
|
Post by Brandwyn on May 15, 2009 5:45:52 GMT -5
Katrina sighed in relief when Henry finally stopped hitting Dougal, until she heard Hernry's threat. She knew it was not an idle threat either and kicked herself mentally for her foolishness in kissing Dougal in the first place.
At Dougal's words; "If I hurt Katrina again, you won't have much of a fight from me. She doesn't deserve to be hurt by a bastard like me." Katrina lost control for a moment and closed her eyes and pursed her lips tightly together, but she quickly recovered before either Henry or Dougal had seen her reaction. Her face was composed as Dougal approached to get his stuff with Henry only a couple pace's behind him.
She nodded as Dougal tried to ease her mind. "I know. I don't understand why you men have to pummel each other to release your tensions, but I know that is the way it is. I just hope this settles things between you - all three of us," she amended.
When Dougal said that he usually recovers from his wounds quickly and wanted to spar with her tomorrow she looked at him dubiously. He was a mess. The amount of damage Henry had inflicted was staggering. But she could tell he was more concerned about her feelings than his own right now so she hastened to convince him that everything was fine and smiled back at him.
"Sure, if you feel up to it, Old Man" She teased. She said the words 'old man' as if she thought the opposite; that he was young and strong, which was true. He might be getting up there a bit in years, but he was still one of the best fighters she had ever come across and he didn't look his age, not even when he was a beaten pulp like he was now. She marveled that he was even still on his feet. He was one strong, athletic man and she couldn't help but feel admiration towards him at how he was handling this awkward situation.
Katrina was spent, not only from the physical match, which had not been a very grueling one, but had been intense mentally; but also from the emotional roller coaster she was on. She still wasn't fully recovered from their ride from Norgate either and it had already been a long day, even though it was only late afternoon. Mostly she wanted to get out of the spotlight and away from the soldiers comments that were sure to begin any moment now. "Now, if you will excuse me, I think I am going to go find someplace to stow my gear."
Katrina walked over to her pack and picked it up. She heard Henry come up behind her and he took her pack from her and picked up his own and slung them over his shoulder. "Let's see if the Jarl has a cabin for me." Katrina said emotionlessly and didn't look Henry in the eye, not wanting to see the pain she knew was there. She headed for the other end of the ship with Henry following. He was still strung tighter than a lute string and she wanted to keep him away from Dougal until he calmed down. Not that she was too worried that they would get into it again. Things seemed to be pretty settled between them. As much as could be expected anyway.
Normally Katrina would just stay wherever her men were staying when on an assignment like this, but this was her first time on a ship and after the last several minutes, she really wanted some privacy. She sought out the Captain of the ship and finally found him emerging from down below with Shamus on his heels. She hailed him with the standard Skandian greeting and the huge, blond haired man turned and smiled at her. "Sir Katrina! How nice to have you here on my wolfship. How may I assist you?" He replied back in an accent so thick that Katrina had a hard time understanding him.
Katrina answered, "I was wondering if perhaps there is a cabin available for me?" The Jarl broke into a smile. "Certainly." He smiled warmly. "I was planning to let you have my cabin. I am afraid we are not accustomed to having noble Ladies on our ships, so the accommodations are rather crude."
Katrina smiled slightly, "I am sure they are fine. I am used to a soldier's life, Jarl, not the life of a courtier. I just came off a long and rather intense ride across Araluen and would like to rest for a while."
The Jarl nodded, noting her bruised cheek and wondered what had happened, but he was polite and didn't pry. He motioned to one of his men to show her the cabin and bowed to her. "If you need anything, you let me know and I will try to supply it."
"Thank you, Jarl." Katrina nodded her head to him and started to follow the sailor down into the hold. "Shamus, I will speak with you later, if that is alright." She said in Pictish as she passed him, not wanting to deal with his questions right now. He nodded to her and let her go, his eyes following her were full of questions.
The sailor showed her to the cabin and left. Henry came in behind her and put their packs in the rack and turned to go so Katrina could be alone.
Katrina reflected briefly that if men needed their fists to relieve tension, women had a different coping mechanism. She could fell the flood gates going up and the emotional damn was about to burst.
"Henry." Katrina whispered and held out her hand to him, her face turned away and covered with her other hand. Her composure was falling apart now that she was out of the spotlight. Henry took two steps and gathered her up into his arms and she couldn't keep the tears back any longer. She sobbed into his shoulder, her arms around his waist.
"I am going to kill that bastard for hurting you like this." Henry growled into her hair.
"No you are not." Katrina pulled back and looked into his brown eyes, tears rolling down her face. "You will not say anything to him. It was not his fault. I brought this on myself. I never should have kissed him." She buried her face in his shoulder again. "Stupid. Stupid. How can I be so stupid? All I did was hurt all three of us in one stupid moment."
Henry stroked her hair and held her tight and the anger slowly drained out of him to be replaced by concern for her. He had never seen her break down like this. Not ever. She was always so poised and composed and nothing ever phased her. Henry wanted to hold her forever and never let anything hurt her again. Her crying wrenched his heart.
He held her for a very long time as the sobs wracked her body. She was crying for hurting Dougal, her lost love many years ago, her lost baby and for Dougal's rejection of her. Gentle as he had done it, it still hurt to know that even if he did want her too, he never would let anything come of it. Then she cried for hurting Henry and using him to ease her pain while causing him more pain. She felt his tears wetting the hair on the top of her head.
Finally her sobs slowed and eventually stopped, but she made no move to break their embrace. Henry stood there holding her, swaying slightly and rocking her back and forth like she was a child. Katrina felt like if she moved she would break into a thousand pieces, but eventually fatigue won out and she pulled back a bit.
She was exhausted. More emotionally exhausted rather than physically and she wanted to sleep. "Help me out of my armor?" she asked softly and he nodded and began to undo the buckles under her arms while she did the side ones. When they had her armor removed and her boots off she looked at Henry and debated for a couple of minutes. She didn't want to be alone, but she didn't want to hurt him any more either. Somehow Henry must have known what she was thinking and he began to pull off his own armor. He then pulled her over to the narrow bed and laid down on it, pressing back to the wall and held his arms out for Katrina.
Kat looked at him and another tear leaked out and slid down her cheek. "I am not sure I can give you what you want." She said softly, "and I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have."
"I don't want anything other than to comfort you. Come on, I will just hold you until you fall asleep." Henry leaned forward and grabbed her hand and pulled her down next to him. Katrina sighed and lay down next to him and snuggled into his embrace. Maybe Kenyon was right and she should just let herself go for once and see what would happen. Right now she didn't want to think. She closed her eyes and let Henry stroke her hair and her bruised cheek, enjoying his attention as she drifted off to sleep. She would feel guilty later, but right now this was exactly what she craved.
|
|
|
Post by Brandwyn on May 17, 2009 6:57:00 GMT -5
Many hours later Katrina woke up slowly and stretched. She didn't remember what had happened at first and couldn't figure out why her backside was warm but the rest of her was fairly cold. Then she realized she was still lying in Henry's arms and he was fast asleep curled up around her. She was lying on her side facing out into the small cabin, using his arm as a pillow. They were lying on top of the blankets. She lay there listening to the sounds of the ship for a few moments and tried to figure out what time it was.
She heard a faint splashing noise that was repeated over and over and figured out it was the oars dipping into the water. It must be night and the wind must have died. There were no windows in the cabin, so it was impossible to tell for sure what the time was, but since she could not hear much sound of people moving around she figured it must be the middle of the night.
She was chilled. That was what woke her up, she was fairly certain. She carefully sat up, trying not to wake Henry and searched for a blanket in the dark. She accidentally groped Henry's leg and heard a chuckle as she jerked her hand back. Then she felt him sit up and pull a blanket out from underneath him. She grabbed the bottom end and threw it over their feet and then lay back down on her other side and pulled the blanket over them both as he helped her. Now he was lying on his back and she nestled into his side, using his shoulder as a pillow.
She tilted her head up to look at him and wondered why she couldn't just be in love with him. It would make things so much easier. Maybe she could never feel love like she'd had for Robin again. Maybe she wasn't capable of it. It was quite dark in the cabin, but she could see the sparkle in his eyes and knew he was looking at her. "I am sorry I woke you." She said softly.
"Don't worry about it. I had been cold for a while too, but didn't want to wake you earlier." He shifted slightly so he could play with her hair at the nape of her neck. He pulled her close; his lips only a fraction away from hers and stopped, letting her make the move to kiss him if she wanted to.
Katrina hesitated for a moment, debating about the wisdom of kissing him or not kissing him. Finally she decided that he deserved to be happy and so she tilted her head up further and gently kissed him.
Henry clutched her tight and gave her the most tender kiss she had ever known, putting all his feelings for her in it and Katrina was surprised that she didn't feel guilty, but instead felt all her friendship for him. Their kissing became more heated and she became aware that he was running his hands all over her bare skin. His hand rubbed across the scar on her belly and she flinched. Henry froze. "What is it?" he asked gently, his finger tracing the scar that Rob had made.
Katrina wasn't sure if she could go through it again, but Henry deserved to know the truth too. She rolled over and sat up and lit a lamp and then showed him her scar and told him the story she had told Dougal earlier that day. It was hard and she still broke down, but it was easier to talk about than it had been with Dougal.
Henry's reaction was harder to take. When she finished he pulled her into an embrace and held her for a long time. Katrina wasn't sure what he was thinking. Maybe he wouldn't want her anymore and for a moment she was disappointed, but she then thought that it would make things much easier if he was so revolted after what had happened that he couldn't stand to touch her.
When he started kissing her again, she realized that if anything it had made him want her more. She kissed him back, still wanting to make him happy, but he could tell her heart wasn't in it. He stopped and said, "Katrina, I want you more than anything, but not like this. I don't want you to kiss me unless you really want me, not just to make me happy or to fulfill some need you have as a result of what Dougal did."
Katrina looked down ashamed. "You deserve to be happy," she said softly. "I was only trying to give you that."
Henry cupped her chin and made her look up at him, "I know. I appreciate that, but you deserve to be happy too, and I don't think that this will make you happy, not in the long run." He kissed her eyes as a few more tears leaked out and held her for a while longer, not saying anything else.
Katrina was content to let him hold her as she tried to sort out her feelings. Eventually she realized it was getting lighter in the cabin from the outdoor light making it's way through a tiny crack on the wall near the ceiling. It must be morning now. Her stomach rumbled and she looked at it with chagrin, her face turning red.
Henry laughed and gently sat her upright on the small bed. "I think we had better go see if there is anything to eat. We don't need you passing out from hunger!"
Katrina smiled and leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips, "Thank you Henry, for everything." She got up and changed clothes while he watched, making note of all the battle scars on her body and then they helped each other into their armor and headed for the galley to find food.
Katrina and Henry eventually emerged on deck fully armed and carrying some fruit and strips of roasted pork and a mug of coffee each. Katrina couldn't help but look around to see if Dougal was there and how he was doing.
|
|