Enya
Apprentice Scribe
Posts: 109
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Post by Enya on Sept 24, 2012 21:03:56 GMT -5
(( OOC: Yeah now I see how bad it is. And thanks I love my little Halt wolf to0 ^_^ here is a re-wright ))
IC:
“I am not a good cook. Whatever I try to cook burns," The black haired apprentice said with a small laugh. “But I will check on that milk, I am somewhat thirsty," She added walking out of the room.
Finding the ice chest, Enya found the milk and sadly, It had gone bad ~ yuck~ she thought with a shiver, taking it outside not wanting the bad smell to stink up the cabin.
Outside, the sun was beginning to set, casting an orange glow on the trees and ground. A cool wind blew back the girl's long hair. Standing there, Enya closed her eyes. ~ It seems so long since I had a friend, or a home. Now I have both. ~ She thought with a soft smile.
Once she dumped out the bad milk, Enya walked back inside. She walked back into the room with Heather and spoke “The milk was bad, so I took it outside. Is there anything else you need done?”
Glancing at the guy for a moment before turning back to Heather said, “Also, what will we eat? I’m starting to get hungry.” she added with a soft yawn as her stomach growled a little.
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Post by Brandwyn on Sept 24, 2012 21:35:21 GMT -5
(OOC: Thanks for the rewrite, Enya. It is much better and I do want to say that your last few posts have been better too as far as content. I am glad you are spending a bit more time thinking about them while you are writing them and before you post them.
One thing that might help is if you read your posts two times before you post it. A lot of the time that will help you catch most of mistakes. But good job - thanks!")
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Post by Ringulf on Sept 24, 2012 21:47:29 GMT -5
Yes! Much, much better, but more importantly, you recognized that something was wrong, did not get deffensive and used the critique to learn and grow.
Well done! A tremendous sign of maturity on your part.
I was concerned whether I was going to help or hurt by my post to you, but you proved to me you have what it takes to do this.
I took the liberty of fixing it just a pinch more so you can see that when you use the right grammer and punctuation, as well as paragraph structure, you are actually writing a healthy size post!
Jamming it altogether makes it look small and it doesn't "breath".
You also lead the reader in the timing you want them to hear.
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Post by Brandwyn on Sept 26, 2012 21:52:57 GMT -5
(OOC: Back to the story...)
"Well it looks like we are going to need to add cooking lessons to your cirriculum..." Heather winked and a mischevious grin lit her face, "no better time than the present to begin them!" Heather looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully, "Ah! I know what we can eat! There is a sack of potatoes and a cured ham hanging there in the back of the pantry. Pull those out," she told Enya.
"Okay, first lesson: Boiling potatoes. Take each potatoe and scrub them off real good in a bucket of water using that brush there on the counter. After you get that done, cut out the bad spots and the 'eyes' that are sprouting and then cut them into chunks and put them in a big pot. Let me know when you have gotten that part done."
While Enya was playing with the potatoes, Heather turned her attention back to her prisoner who was being very cooperative now, perhaps even more cooperative than necessary. Heather's suspicions of his true nature grew, but she had no proof he was lying - yet.
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Enya
Apprentice Scribe
Posts: 109
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Post by Enya on Oct 8, 2012 11:38:41 GMT -5
With a nod Enya left the room, heading to the pantry to find the ham and potatoes. once she got them to the kitchen Enya then cleaned the potato's like she hand been told, then taking a knife the blue eye girl began to cut off any bad spots as well as the eyes.
Once that was done and the potato's where all cut up Enya put then I'm the pot " OK! done with the Potato's what next?" She called out to heather.
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Post by Brandwyn on Oct 11, 2012 18:10:33 GMT -5
Heather produced a large piece of parchment and a thin piece of charcoal pencil and set them on the table in front of her prisoner. She pulled her saxe knife and studied him for a moment before deftly cutting the bonds on his arms then she stood behind him, just out of reach and a little to the side so he would have to go through her to get to the door. "Start drawing that map, then and don't take all day about it."
She then turned to look at her apprentice and acknowledged that Enya had completed the first task. "Okay, fill that pot up until the water covers the potatoes and stick it over here on the grating over the fire. Best put a lid on it too. Oh, it might be better to put the pot over there first and then fill it up with water from the bucket. That big pot can get a might bit heavy when it's full."
Heather had noticed that Enya was very good at carrying out a task when she was given clear and specific directions. It was clear to Heather that they were going to have work out a few bumps in her training methods - particularly since Heather was floundering herself with her first assignment as a mentor. "I need to sit down and make out a lesson plan for you, Enya, so we both have some sort of guideline in your training. I don't want to miss anything, but some things you will learn on the job as we run into stuff, like these bandits here." Heather mused, keeping a good eye on her prisoner as he scratched lines on the parchment.
"Okay, so now that you got the potatoes going, bring that ham over here and the big frying pan and I will show you how to shave off slices for a potatoe hash. We might want to dice up an onion and throw it in the pan too." Heather suggested. She showed Enya how to slice the ham without cutting her fingers off and when the frying pan was nearly full she stopped.
"Now you add just a little bit of water to that pan, dice up an onion and throw that on top, then sprinkle in some garlic, thyme and rosemary on top of the ham and put that on the stove." Heather had been watching the bandit and he seemed to be taking his time drawing the map.
"Hurry up you, the others out there are probably getting suspicious that you're spilling the beans. What would they do if we put all of you in a cell together back at the castle, I wonder?"
The man blanched white and started to draw a bit faster. Within minutes he was done. Heather examined the map and clarified a couple of items on it. When she was satisfied she could find the place she asked about the camp's defenses and then took the man back outside after tying his hands back up.
"Next," she said flatly, staring at the next bandit who was glaring at her and then at the man she'd just brought out. Heather sighed, it looked like it was going to be a rather long evening.
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Enya
Apprentice Scribe
Posts: 109
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Post by Enya on Oct 15, 2012 16:36:13 GMT -5
Enya nodded and picked up the pot, and moved it over to the fire. After getting it over the fire, The apprentice walked back to the kitchen to get the water. The girl return a moment later with some water, and she dumped it into the pot then return to the kitchen to get more. Again, Enya return and dumped the water in the pot. That was enough
After that was done, Enya got the Frying pan and the ham. As Heather showed her what to do, She lison and did as she was shown. ~ onion and water ~ she thought walking into the kitchen. Getting an Onion and some water she return to the pan. Pouring the water into the pan she then turn and cut up the Onion. Enya hated the smell of Onion’s but she did not compline as she then added them to the pan.
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Post by Brandwyn on Nov 2, 2012 18:18:24 GMT -5
Heather nodded approval as Enya meticulously followed her instructions. “Now the trick to not letting stuff burn is to keep an eye on it and not forget you have something cooking. Don’t worry though, I have never heard of a cook anywhere that hasn’t burned something at some point. If anyone tells you he’s never burnt anything either he’s lying or he’s not a cook.” Heather winked at Enya.
“Okay so now all you need to do is stir those potatoes over there in about 15 minutes and see if they are starting to get soft by sticking a fork or knife in them. You can tell their done when they get soft, but that takes about 30 minutes usually.”
She was beginning to enjoy giving the cooking lessons. It was domestic; it was normal and routine and took her mind off the worry of what the bandits were up to and why she and Enya had been targeted.
“Then stir that ham in the frying pan every three to five minutes. It shouldn’t take but 15 or 20 minutes to finish warming up since the ham is already cured. It should finish just about the same time as the potatoes.”
Heather questioned the second man and he was not very talkative. She finally had the guard drag him outside just around the time the food should be about done. She told the guards to make sure their prisoners were secured and one to stand guard while the others came in to eat.
Heather set out the plates and silverware and then went into her room and came out with a bottle of red wine. “I was saving this for a special occasion and I think this warrants that sentiment. For tonight is the first night for Enya in her new home,” she said to the guards. She filled all their glasses, even giving Enya some and then raised her glass, “Here’s to my new apprentice and tonight’s cook!” The guards clinked their glasses together and cheered and Heather gave Enya a grin after she took a sip. “I hope you like it here and I hope I can teach you everything you need to know to be a good ranger.”
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Enya
Apprentice Scribe
Posts: 109
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Post by Enya on Nov 5, 2012 21:31:10 GMT -5
Enya gave a bright smile looking around the table " Hey, i have a home and a friend. What more can i ask for? I'm no longer on the streets." She said not touching the glass " And don't worry , You so far are a grate teacher" She said smiling again. " And i look forward to my training"
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Post by Brandwyn on Feb 2, 2013 16:40:12 GMT -5
(OOC: This looks like a good place to end this thread, Enya. Shall we stop this one and start a new thread?)
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Enya
Apprentice Scribe
Posts: 109
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Post by Enya on Feb 3, 2013 12:58:15 GMT -5
(( Sure =) ))
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