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Post by Jordyn on Jul 2, 2014 22:29:19 GMT -5
Emily nodded slowly. "Sure, thanks Crowley." She looked at the door to her room for a moment and nodded. "I'm sure I will." She felt bad about lying to Crowley about getting any sleep. While she was hoping that she would get sleep, she wasn't expecting to. She leaned against the door leading to her room, and tried to unbraid the rat's nest she called hair. It stuck up in all directions and gave her a crazed look. She blinked her eyes and looked around the room. It had simple furnishings in it and a hand crept silently towards the handle to her own door. She yawned, covering it with her free hand and looked at Crowley. "Having a hard time finding your herbs?" She asked, holding it behind her back, and trying not to smile.
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Post by Brandwyn on Jul 4, 2014 20:02:56 GMT -5
"I've got them right here. Already measured out." Crowley answered. "I ordered hot tea brought up to your room for you to put them in."
He saw her yawn and realized just how long a day it had been for both of them. He hadn't spent that much time in the saddle since the last Gathering. It pained him to realize he was getting older and soft working behind the desk. "I need to get out and do this more." He muttered to himself and then said to Emily, "Okay, off to bed with you then. You look like you are dead on your feet."
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Post by Jordyn on Jul 18, 2014 11:59:49 GMT -5
"I feel like I'm dead on my feet." She said going over to her room and shutting the door. Without even taking off her boots she laid down and went to sleep... A few hours later, she sat up, breathing heavily. She got up slowly and walked to the door, easing it open.
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Post by Brandwyn on Jul 18, 2014 15:08:43 GMT -5
Even in his sleep, Crowley sensed a change in the room's atmosphere. He woke suddenly but kept his breathing even and his eyes closed. He listened intently and heard the slight creak of the door between his room and Emily's and relaxed slightly. 'She probably had a nightmare,' he thought, but his hand inched toward the saxe blade under his pillow. One could never be too careful and years of being a ranger trained Crowley to never assume anything.
He lay on his side, facing the door and cracked his eyes open just a bit but couldn't see anything in the dark of the room. He waited, listening for some sign that it was Emily and not an intruder.
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Post by Jordyn on Jul 18, 2014 17:50:25 GMT -5
Emily went over to Crowley and shook him. "Crowley....Crowley wake up." She backed off and waited. "Crowley please!" After a few moments of complete silence she sighed quietly and sat down near the foot of Crowley's bed. She looked around the darkened room for a moment before her eyes started to feel heavy again. She forced them to stay open, but soon enough, they were closed again, and her head rested on her shoulder. Her breathing became slow and even as she fell asleep again, a frown crossing her forehead.
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Post by Brandwyn on Aug 2, 2014 11:13:26 GMT -5
Crowley was about to answer Emily when he heard her breathing change and realized she had fallen asleep. Very carefully he got out of bed and gently lay her down on it. He covered her with a blanket and then sat in the chair, resting his head against the door at his back.
After a few minutes he dozed slightly, but was ready to wake if she stirred at all. He hoped she would be able to sleep now and not have any more nightmares before morning. They still had a full day in the saddle ahead of them.
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Post by Jordyn on Aug 5, 2014 13:38:52 GMT -5
For an hour, Emily slept peacefully. After that, however, dream after dream hit her hard, and she started to toss and turn, muttering in her sleep. She cried out sharply and sat upright sweat running down her neck and onto her clothes. Her blonde hair stuck to her face and neck, and she pulled her knees to her hand crying softly. "I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry..." she muttered. "But it wasn't my fault.... promise...." Emily stood and quietly started to walk to the door. She opened it, looked back at Crowley, then went out, closing the door behind her. She made her way to the stable and stopped next to Dancer's stall. The horse looked up at her and she put a finger to her lips, signaling her to be quiet. "Just one ride, that's it." She told herself as she entered Dancer's stall and got the horse to her feet, grabbing the brush. "I hope Crowley doesn't catch me..." Dancer looked at her as if to say, 'Of course he will.' Emily smiled. "I know. I know. But I need air." She muttered. "And the thing is," She paused. "I didn't want to wake him up over a dream. It seemed childish." She admitted. Dancer snorted and Emily finished putting her tack on. She led her horse outside and looked up at the stars for a moment before mounting.
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Post by Brandwyn on Aug 18, 2014 18:47:28 GMT -5
"I'm sorry.... I'm so sorry..." she muttered. "But it wasn't my fault.... promise...." Emily stood and quietly started to walk to the door. She opened it, looked back at Crowley, then went out, closing the door behind her.
Crowley woke fully and saw the door closing behind Emily. Before he could clear his throat and croak out, "Emily, wait!" she had already gone. He quickly grabbed his gear and then checked her room, getting her gear too and followed her to the stables. He knew she was going that way. Every ranger he knew always went to his or her horse for comfort. It didn't make sense for her to go anywhere else.
She was just about to mount when he stepped into the stableyard. "If your in the mood to ride, we might as well ride toward Caraway Castle," he said quietly. He didn't want to wake the house. "Here's your pack and weapons." He handed them to her and then went over to get his own horse ready. "Just hang on while I get Cropper saddled." He quickly groomed his horse. "Want to tell me about this latest dream?"
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Post by Jordyn on Aug 18, 2014 20:12:08 GMT -5
Emily jumped and turned to look at Crowley. "I'm sorry if I woke you." She said, taking her gear. She sighed. "I...it had Duncan in it. He kept blaming me for something." She looked at Dancer, who shook her mane, as if to say 'go on.' Emily took a breath and looked at the ground. "And then you and Halt were in it. You kept saying that you never should have rescued me and that I was a traitor." The breath she took was shaky this time. "I'm such a wimp. Maybe Morgarath was right. I'll never be accepted."
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Post by Brandwyn on Sept 13, 2014 15:33:25 GMT -5
Crowley cocked an eybrow at her as he finished with Cropper's tack. "Was Morgorath ever right about anything else?" he asked Emily. "He wasn't from everything I knew about him, though he always believed he was right." He swung up into the saddle and started down the road. "Why should he be right about that?"
He wasn't entirely sure what to say about Emily's dreams. "Your dreams are obviously a result of the anxiety you are feeling. You are also looknig for a family, a place to fit in." It suddenly dawned on Crowley that Emily had a ready-made family, but she'd been sheltered from it and it was his fault. The Ranger Corps was a close-knit family. Most of them knew each other and they all looked out for each other. They all tended to associate only with other rangers for close companionship, with a few exceptions.
Emily had missed that connection by being cooped up in the palace. True, it was on King Duncan's orders, but Crowley could have done more to insist on the girl being treated like every other ranger. It all came down to the fact Duncan didn't trust her. Crowley never really understood why Duncan was being so obstinate with the girl. She couldn't help who here parents were.
"It's my fault," Crowley mused. "I am sorry I have kept you from the Gatherings. You need to meet the rangers that are your age and make some friends." He glanced over at her and then back to the road ahead of them. The moon was shining down, making it fairly easy to travel.
"You are going to have to do something too, for yourself, though." He wasn't sure if she would understand. "You need to forget who your father was. You are you, you are not him. Be yourself, be genuine in expressing your feelings and dealing with others and soon you will have lots of friends." He looked at her again, wondering if she understood what he was trying to say. "I think perhaps you have been trying too hard to convince Duncan that you are loyal to him and not your father. You are desperatly seeking his approval, right?"
He was beginning to understand the root of her problem, but he still didn't know how to stop the dreams. "Sometimes when we want something so badly that all we do is try to attain it, we only end up being disappointed and give up on it," he reasoned. "I feel though, that when we stop seeking that thing, like you seeking Duncan's trust, and just go about our daily business, then the thing we seek suddenly falls into our lap."
"So what I am saying, is that you need to just get out there, be a ranger and be a damn good one and at some point Duncan will realize he's being a fool, and it will probably happen when you least expect it." Crowley suggested.
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Post by Jordyn on Sept 13, 2014 19:51:27 GMT -5
Emily glared at Crowley for a moment. "I'm nearly done kissing up to him." She said, angrily. "All I'm trying to do is be loyal to him, but he throws it back in my face and I can't do anything but sit there and listen." She shook her head.
"If he wants me to be my dad and try to fill his shoes, fine. I'm game." Emily said. She held onto a straight face. "And I'm not kidding. If it comes down to a fight, it comes down to a fight. And if I lose, I'll leave. Period dot." She spoke carefully. She shrugged like she didn't care. "And maybe he's right. Maybe I am too much like my dad. Maybe my nightmares are trying to prove a point."
She stared straight ahead, and, guiding Dancer with her knees, pulled her hair up and out of her quiver. "I'm sorry, dad, but I feel like I have to." She paused then said, meekly, "I mean, I'm sorry, Crowley..." She let her voice trail off.
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Post by Brandwyn on Sept 13, 2014 20:24:54 GMT -5
Crowley frowned for a moment, thinking. "It's okay. I know you are frustrated. But I am on your side here, you know?" he said gently.
"All of us have bits and pieces of our parents in us, that is true. And all of us have things in our childhood and our past that shaped us and made us who we are today and that never stops happening. We are always changing and growing until the day we die," Crowley lectured. "But that is not the only thing that makes us who we are. We have another very important element that sets us aside from our parents and makes us unique."
He paused for a moment to make sure she was listening. "That thing is choice." He looked her in the eyes. "How you choose to behave has more bearing than you bloodline," he explained. "Every day you have choices to make. The decision you make when you are faced with those choices might be influenced by your past or possibly genetics, but whatever choice you make shows your character."
He brought Cropper to a stop, reaching out to stop Dancer for a moment too. "You have the power to choose your own path and to choose who you are," he said. "If you don't want to be like your father, then don't be. Choose differently than he did. If Duncan pushes you enough to pick a fight, choose not to fight if you want to be different from your father."
Her words had stirred an unpleasant memory and he wondered if he should tell her. Perhaps a warning... "If you choose to fight him, and lose and walk away, you realize that you will have made exactly the same choices as your father?"
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Post by Jordyn on Sept 13, 2014 21:29:50 GMT -5
Emily looked surprised when Dancer stopped. "Let go of my horse." She growled, but listened to what Crowley said. "And what do you mean? I'm suggesting that I do what you suggested. Now you're saying that its a bad idea."
Emily looked on the verge of tears for a moment. "What am I supposed to do? Be a good little soldier while Duncan is trying to pick me apart by my seams?! I can't take it anymore! He's driving me crazy. And at this point in time, I don't really care. All I'm saying is that it may be time for someone to try and kick Duncan's butt and for him to leave me alone for a little bit." She said, exasperated. "And I think that I'm ready to try and run away. So my choices are stay and fight, or run away."
She shrugged. "I've backed myself into a corner and I really don't have that many choices at hand. I've seen the way people look at me. They look at me like I'm a freak of nature and that I shouldn't belong. Well, why can't I show them that I do belong? That I can actually be worth something?" She had asked this several times to Duncan to hear the same negative response, "What happens when you betray me?" or "You can't be trusted."
Sighing loudly she looked around them. "Well?!"
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Post by Brandwyn on Oct 13, 2014 21:23:54 GMT -5
Emily looked surprised when Dancer stopped. "Let go of my horse." She growled, but listened to what Crowley said. "And what do you mean? I'm suggesting that I do what you suggested. Now you're saying that its a bad idea."
Crowley shook his head, "no, I wasn't suggesting that you fight him, I was suggesting that you just be yourself and don't work so hard to please him. Work hard at doing what's best for you."
Emily looked on the verge of tears for a moment. "What am I supposed to do? Be a good little soldier while Duncan is trying to pick me apart by my seams?! I can't take it anymore! He's driving me crazy. And at this point in time, I don't really care. All I'm saying is that it may be time for someone to try and kick Duncan's butt and for him to leave me alone for a little bit." She said, exasperated. "And I think that I'm ready to try and run away. So my choices are stay and fight, or run away."
She shrugged. "I've backed myself into a corner and I really don't have that many choices at hand. I've seen the way people look at me. They look at me like I'm a freak of nature and that I shouldn't belong. Well, why can't I show them that I do belong? That I can actually be worth something?"
"Well, that's why we are going on this trip. You need some distance from the palace and the King. I am hoping that you can redirect your attention to the problem at Caraway and help Ranger Bunt straighten out the problems with that fief," Crowley explained.
"You are worth something, Emily, it doesn't matter what other people think about you. What matters is how you think about yourself." Crowley didn't know how to make her understand that she was reading more into those looks from people than what was really there. "It all is a matter of self-confidence. When you are insecure you tend to imagine that everyone is staring at you and you beome more self-conscious."
"Actually you aren't the freak of nature here, it's those self-serving, judgemental nobles that hang around the royal family scrabbling for scraps from Duncan's table that are the freaks." Crowley let the horses resume their trek toward Caraway. "I have seen them look at you and what it looks like to me is they are trying to figure out who you are. You look enough like the Princess to be her sister and since Duncan has been trying to keep your bloodline a secret, naturally it's one of the biggest topics of gossip around the castle." He paused for a moment, thinking, trying to figure out how to explain what he meant.
"What you see in their eyes is curiosity and suspicion that the King is hiding something from them. They wonder if you are really Duncan's child, fathered by some common woman. There are several tales running about the castle to help explain your presence." People loved to gossip and Duncan was just giving them all kinds of material.
"I'll tell you what you can do. I am giving you an assignment to think about today as we ride." Crowley informed her. "I want you to tell me all the things about yourself that you do NOT like and at the end of the day jot them down on some paper. Then I want you to think about each one of those things and decide what you want to do to change that thing. Think about how can you get from where you are today, to where you want to be so you will be the person you want to be." Crowley didn't know if it would help, but maybe he could focus her attention away from the King for a few hours.
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Post by Jordyn on Oct 17, 2014 9:03:18 GMT -5
Emily paused for a moment, thinking. She didn't exactly know what she didn't like about herself, but she looked at Crowley for a moment before looking at the ground.
The trees seemed to pass by slowly as they rode, too slowly for Emily's liking; She was starting to wish that horses could go a little faster.
"Well," she finally said, "I don't like how weak I can be sometimes. I keep thinking how brave you and Halt are, and I wish I could be like that. Not a cowardly runaway pick pocket."
She sighed loudly. "But I still don't understand why those stuck-up snotty ladies-at-court won't at least try to start a cconversation with me instead of judging me on mere rumors and lies!"
She had shouted the last part, and Dancer startled. Emily leaned down and petted her neck, trying to comfort her. "I'm sorry, I just don't know. Maybe it's who I'm becoming. I feel like I'm becoming a duplicate of my dad... or maybe Duncan...I don't know. I'm just scared of that......." She looked at her hands and she sighed loudly.
"I know this is bad, but what do you would have happened if I had stayed with my dad?" She asked, looking at Crowley.
At Crowley's silence, she raised an eyebrow at him. "What? It's not like I wasn't going to ask that question sooner or later. So, what do you think would've happened?"
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