Dougal
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Posts: 597
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Post by Dougal on Sept 8, 2009 4:35:03 GMT -5
Well, for the last 9 month's I've been working on my major project for English Extension 2, which is a short story. I've just finished it and thought that I might as well post it up here for you all to enjoy. Just a heads up, though. The section, or 'chapter', of the story is set in the aftermath of a terrorist attack, and I didn't pull any punches in describing what happened. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy it. Attachments:
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Post by ivory on Sept 8, 2009 18:20:31 GMT -5
Relieved, her turned away and asked for a shirt.
And I'm a little confused on the last sentence.
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Post by ivory on Sept 8, 2009 18:28:42 GMT -5
Simply saying I liked it, would be an understatement, but because I'm currently lacking the words, I'm going to say it anyways. I liked how you made him an actual person. So many authors make their characters so unreal, so inhuman (emotionally). You made the story believable. I like it. Though not so much the lapse of time between the chapters. Now I'm itching to know the rest...-.-
lol. :-) It was good. I liked it.
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Dougal
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Posts: 597
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Post by Dougal on Sept 9, 2009 0:46:08 GMT -5
Damn, I thought I'd fixed that typo . Ah well, it's too late to change it. The last line was also meant to read: "and the puzzles he kept putting back together from leftover pieces." Luckily I fixed that up on the final copy of my story before I sent it off for marking. Still, I'm glad that you liked it regardless. I really wanted to put so much more into it, but I had an 8 000 word limit, so I had to cut various things out. I'm also glad that you liked Gavin. I did a lot of research to try and make him as believable as I possibly could, even with his apparent lack of emotion at times.
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Post by Cutebabys on Sept 9, 2009 1:42:19 GMT -5
I like it. I know what you mean Ther. I just like it. I, too, like Gavin. I just do. *shrugs* I suppose I like his 'pushing-my-emotions-away' thing. I liked it so much I read it twice!
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Dougal
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Post by Dougal on Sept 9, 2009 4:28:53 GMT -5
Glad you like it!
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Post by Cutebabys on Sept 9, 2009 10:42:49 GMT -5
*nods* But it's good.
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Post by ivory on Sept 9, 2009 15:37:58 GMT -5
*smirk* I guess it's also too late that you used a period instead of a question mark toward the end? [when she was asking him how he could still believe in God] lol. :-)
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Dougal
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Post by Dougal on Sept 9, 2009 15:44:58 GMT -5
Yeah, it is. I'm just hoping that I fixed that on my final submission (I had a copy at school that I used for my submission).
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Post by ivory on Sept 9, 2009 15:49:06 GMT -5
Ah. You probably did. You have a sharp eye and mind! And besides, even if you didn't, you have amazing writing skills. Your teacher will probably be so engrossed in the story, he/she will probably miss it!
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Dougal
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Post by Dougal on Sept 9, 2009 15:54:00 GMT -5
Thanks.
By the way, what did you think of the other characters? I didn't quite put as much time and effort into making them believable, so I'm not sure if I managed to get them quite right.
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Post by ivory on Sept 9, 2009 16:08:01 GMT -5
I think you did good with those too [and just in case you think I'm sugar coating things, I'm way too frank to do so. *shrug* *grin*]. Shucks, I wanted to put ...too, especially... on the end of that sentence, but thinking back over it, there wasn't an especially. You got them all. lol. The seventh year boy with the sharpnel in his neck, the two cops [which kind of 'suprised' me - a lot of people write them off as cold hard bastards, those being the most 'inhuman' ones in the book usually], Ivana (especially when she took her life. You're aware of the emotional turmoil. If you didn't have her jump it wouldn't have been as good. Not saying, that I'm happy that she did, it's just that when you wrote that scene up there and had her go through with it, it seemed real, believable. And when Gavin had a second's hesitation before he jumped, instead of just going 'headfirst' into the fray. That was beautiful [writer's sense]. ESPECIALLY that second he waited for that other guy to turn around. That definitely made him more human and offered an insight that a lot of people might not pick up on. Despite his 'turning to steel' he's still human. He was still aware of those around him, still wanted to be 'accepted' into society. He wasn't immune, he wans't inhuman. It was fantastically written.]
And Ivana's mother. She really did love her daughter didn't she? It's amazing that one can get so in depth with a character with only a few pages typed. I liked Alana too. Though she didn't seem as much in depth as the others, there were still some pieces there to easily make a profile about her. She's strong, independant, and learning. And Josh was an idiot to treat her as one. -.-
Man, it was a great story. Gavin though, was my favorite for reasons I refuse to list in here. lol. :-)
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Dougal
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Posts: 597
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Post by Dougal on Sept 9, 2009 16:21:10 GMT -5
Yeah, Alana was never going to actually feature in the story, but then it started to write itself and she just appeared, so that's probably why she isn't quite as strong. Still, I'm really grateful for your analysis and the fact that you enjoyed the story. It really makes me feel as though all that time I spent writing it was worth it.
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Post by ivory on Sept 9, 2009 16:38:26 GMT -5
Oh, definitely definitely worth it. And I know exactly what you mean about characters writing themselves into the story. lol. :-)
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